Je Suis Là

I’m here. Just in case you were wondering. I haven’t been around (blog-wise) much, even if I wanted to. There were a couple of things I was sorting out (emotionally and mentally).

But I felt like coming here, for some reason, and … out of old (and I mean Circa 2004) habit, just … typing away. How have you been these days? I hope you know how happy I am you’re still here, and that you thought of passing by my Blog. Are there new things you learned about yourself lately? Because I have.

My Introversion has gone full-on mental. I realized how much of myself isn’t myself in public and that I am a whole different person when I am around people. I am not myself around people and I have lived with that. It’s probably why being around them feels constricting. I partially want to blame people but it’s not their fault, really.

Okay, that’s a lie — it is. I have a handful of people I could be myself around because they are so easy to be with. I don’t like conflict and I don’t like having to adjust who I am just to make sure people aren’t offended. Why do I still live in a world where people don’t get Introverts and don’t take it seriously? It affects my mental health. It sucks that I’m like this but it’s who I am. I’m actually at peace with it. It’s people around me who aren’t. Honestly one of the things I hate most about being around people.

I’m so glad we have the Internet. We have this outlet for self-expression and it makes communicating with other people so much easier without having to actually interact.

I’m starting to feel like myself again and I’m glad. I really am myself when I’m by myself. It’s such a proclamation of self-love, don’t you think? I’m quite cocky about it because I don’t know a lot of people who can function by themselves. My depression has got me this far. Is it weird that I’m thinking of my depression as one of my … dare I say … motivations … in life? I have this thing, I’ve survived thus far by the Grace of God and the strength and the trials He has blessed me with. I am proud of it. I wear it as an armor, and a weapon … against pushy Extroverts.

Thank God I’m married to an Introvert. My gosh, imagine if I was with an Extrovert, and worse — someone who didn’t feel the same things I do! QUE HORROR. Whenever I rant to Drew, he just gets me, you guys. Two introverts together, that’s like Cinderella and the fucking glass slipper.

Anyway, I chose to ramble about this today because I have struggled a bit and I was so close to a mental breakdown. It’s just one of the times I wished the apocalypse would come upon us because people suck.

Is there anything about yourself you’re fully aware of that people don’t get? What is it? And doesn’t it blow that people are so stupid?

Self-awareness is so beautiful.

I mean, it’s beautiful when you know who you are and don’t give a fuck about what people think. People who love you for who you are will stick. They will respect you and what you lack and that’s that. When you find people who make life easier for you, people you don’t have to please, people who don’t ask for anything in return, KEEP THEM. THEY ARE FUCKING RARER THAN ALL THE RARE POKÉMANS COMBINED.

Anyway, this previous experience really shook my core. I’m kind of glad I went through it because it just reassured me of how much I know myself and how much I’ve accepted this person that I am, unapologetic and all. I mean, why should I? I love me so fucking much.

Also … to everyone who thinks that being alone, and living by / living with yourself sucks, you can suck my dick.

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Sun Sign : Cancer, Moon Sign : Aquarius, a former INFP (early 2015), turned INFJ-T (mid 2015), turned INFP-T (end of 2015), and now an INFJ-T (2017). Sorted into Ravenclaw in 2009. I believe that covers everything. No? Okay, you've earned it. I'll let you hand me the Microphone HERE.

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