Sex, Sexuality and the Prude in Me

One of my favourite writers, Nour, wrote an entry about Women, and Women’s Bodies recently. Her writing always strikes, and stays with me. This particular one surely will. I’d quote the whole post but this entry is already long, so here’s an excerpt :

As women, we must never apologize for our bodies—our legs, what’s between them, or what runs deep under our skin.

As rational beings, we should stop laughing when the joke is on us. We must never entertain a rhetoric that subjugates others by virtue of their bodies, gender, or sexuality.

Instead, we must educate. We must speak up. We must never allow small instances (that probably don’t really matter) escape. We should grab them—those moments and the people who created them, and start a conversation with them that ends with them understanding how distasteful and utterly wrong it is to perpetrate bodies against the souls they harbor. People are not ships. They do not sink when they are damaged. They continue to exist in fragments until they no longer recognize their own reflections.

I encourage you to read the whole entry here.

I am self-confessed Prude. I’m sure not a lot of people (even close friends) know this because I seem to be very casual when it comes to talking about sexuality, or sex. I crack jokes every now and then. To people who don’t share the same wavelength as I do when it comes to these things, my overall ease and openness would definitely be misinterpreted. I used to say, “I don’t blame them, I’m probably too nice”. But then all these experiences (getting hit on, being labeled, being treated like a piece of meat, being taken out of context), finally got to me. I was wrong. I really should blame them. Not entirely … but you know what I mean.

I’m going to be honest with you. I don’t know the vibe I give off to people. Maybe it’s because I’m too trusting. Maybe because I assume people won’t take it the wrong way, everyone sees things the way I do; how I laugh, how I hit their arm whenever I laugh, how I smile, how I smile when I walk past them in a hallway – stuff like that. I am friendly, I have resting nice face. But probably the way I present myself physically gets in the way and blurs the distinction. Am I / is everyone supposed to fit in a standard category, e.g., I’m really friendly so I have to dress safe, wear light make-up, because the moment I’m friendly while in a mini-skirt and smoky eyes, I am automatically flirting? Well, that’s sad. Because then I see why people would always blame ME. Because I have to change the simplest things I like JUST SO THE WORLD WON’T SAY I ASKED FOR IT.

When these things happen, I’d take a step back and look at myself, at the kind of person I represent. I post sexy selfies on the internet, because I am allowed to feel sexy (the last time I checked), but I guess that could be taken into another context. Although, that shouldn’t matter, because I am allowed to express myself in that manner, but it doesn’t and shouldn’t mean I’m asking for it. I mean, should it? Because I’d like to think it shouldn’t. I’m not even sure how I sound right now. Probably stupid. But that’s how I see things.

Whenever my friends and I talk about sex, most of them tell me how shocking it is that I have only been intimate with less than 3 guys in almost all 3 decades of my existence (I published an entry on that here, and related stuff here). I guess that says a lot about how I am perceived, even by my peers. See, it’s not wrong to be open about discussing sex, it’s not wrong to be confident, it’s not wrong to feel sexy (and openly express it) but it’s not wrong to have certain principles about it too. Like I said, I’m a Prude, most especially when it comes to my intimate life. They see me as an easy going person but that doesn’t mean I’m easy. Again not that its wrong to be, but I am not.

I have a very open mind when it comes to how others choose to live their lives. I don’t judge people based on their choice to sleep with different people every week / every other day / every day. I don’t judge people who choose to be porn stars, strippers, and sex workers. I don’t judge people, period. And when I do, I try my bestest to keep those mean thoughts to myself. I’ve said it tons of times, but I guess that’s another post for another day.

People should be allowed to express themselves and their sexuality without being labeled as anything. I can be sexy, but again – that doesn’t make me easy. Expressing myself through ways I find comfortable (uploading selfies, or publicly declaring my adoration for films like Love or Blue is the Warmest Color or 9 Songs) shouldn’t put me in a position where I would regret staying true to myself / freely expressing myself. Why is (simply even talking about) watching Porn so taboo? Why is talking about your sexual preference (along with your preferred sexual acts, and the like) so … wrong? Why am I whispering this in my head as I type these sentences?

I guess that’s it, isn’t it? There’s always a line. There’s always a limit.

I should not have to apologise for the way I express myself, and the way I own my sexuality and my body. You’re not supposed to like everything other people do. You’re allowed to have opinions, I get that – but you’re not always entitled to say them out loud especially when other people’s choices aren’t doing you any harm (how is Miley Cyrus posing naked for a magazine directly putting your life in danger? Because that’s the only reason you should be alarmed, also, how does her VMA wardrobe choices make her a Whore? I will never get over how in 2015, we still get so many things backwards).

You should see it this way : There are people who like to dress in slacks and button-up blouses, and there are people who like to wear knee-high stockings with high waist shorts. In no way is one better than the other. It should be common sense, but you know what they say about that these days.

Occasionally I will be posting photos like this …

IMG_6874

But why should that translate to “I’m doing this because I feel kinky”? Yes, maybe the photo feels sexy, but that’s only because I feel sexy. You understand? ONLY BECAUSE I FEEL SEXY. Feeling sexy doesn’t and shouldn’t always mean “I FEEL LIKE ENGAGING IN SEXUAL ACTIVITIES WICHOO BOO”. Why can’t it mean, “I feel confident today and I want to express it, not keep it to myself, tell the world that I do”, and that’s it? I mean, I guess other girls do it for those reasons, and I have nothing against that. Again, it’s their life, it’s their body, but why must it ALWAYS HAVE TO MEAN WHAT YOU THINK IT MEANS? Why do we have to generalise everything?

The way people express themselves doesn’t always make them WHO THEY ARE.  And just because people have different takes and ideals and principles on life than yours doesn’t make them bad. It doesn’t make you bad either.

Accept the fact that there is more than 2 kinds of people. With over 7.3 Billion souls walking on Earth, what makes you think they can be narrowed down to GOOD AND BAD? Those two words alone are subjective. Or are you not aware of that? The only thing to me that I could say I could categorise as universally wrong involves hurting people / taking away their lives. But everything else is subjective.

PLEASE REALISE, THAT THE ONLY WOMEN ASKING FOR IT, ARE THE ONES WHO ACTUALLY DO ASK FOR IT. LIKE, UPFRONT. TO YOUR FACE, VERBALLY TELLING YOU.

It could be tricky, I know. There will be a girl barely dressed in anything, giving you the Come Hither gaze so hard as she grinds in the Club, and I’m not saying you shouldn’t try to approach her. By all means, do, you’re not seeing things, she could be … asking for it. I mean, right? But what does “IT” actually mean? What SHOULD you do once you approach her? Was she inviting you to grab her ass? Maybe, maybe not. Maybe she just wants to dance. I mean, people are allowed to dance. People of all genders are allowed to dance. So maybe dance with her. Maybe nicely ask her to join you over at your table. Maybe make out. Maybe more. KEY WORD IS … DING DING DING! MAYBE. You ask the girl nicely, Bro. Or maybe wait for her to let you know what is happening exactly (and what isn’t). That’s what you SHOULD do. What you shouldn’t do is assume.

Did I get a little off-topic? Because that is SO ME.

What I’m saying is … I can talk about sex, but I keep my intimate life to myself. I’m a modernised Prude. And no one could say that there’s something wrong with me. It doesn’t invalidate my personality / character. It doesn’t make my argument pointless.

I keep an open mind. My legs are a totally different story.

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Sun Sign : Cancer, Moon Sign : Aquarius, a former INFP (early 2015), turned INFJ-T (mid 2015), turned INFP-T (end of 2015), and now an INFJ-T (2017). Sorted into Ravenclaw in 2009. I believe that covers everything. No? Okay, you've earned it. I'll let you hand me the Microphone HERE.

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